Self-reflection
by Tasha9315
Summary: James Potter is clueless as to why Lily Evans won't give him the time of the day. A chat with Remus Lupin helps him to do a bit of self-reflection. One shot.


**This story is written for The House Competition by Moonlight Forgotten (Year 2).**

 **Round 6**

 **House: Gryffindor**

 **Year: 4**

 **Short Story**

 **Prompt: James Potter**

 **Words: 1646**

Sixth year James Potter was sitting under the shade of a beech tree by the lake, engrossed in his thoughts while his best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were engrossed in their own animated discussion. James barely paid attention to them as he was lost in his own thoughts. Thoughts about a certain redhead, named Lily Evans. There was something about Lily. He didn't know whether it was her looks, her charm, her feistiness, her kindness, her fiery temper or her sheer guts to tell him off, but he was enamored by her. He used to find her bossy and annoying. Then third year came, and her smile and twinkle in her sparkling green eyes made his stomach do somersaults. James ignored those feelings and kept telling himself she was just an annoying girl. But soon, he began admiring most of the things he found annoying about her and he also found himself defending her when Sirius complained about her. James would quickly refute his defense, but Sirius began suspecting that he fancied her. James would of course deny it.

It took him until Valentine's Day of his fourth year to admit it to himself and later his friends that he fancied her. The school had a Valentine's Day ball in honor of hosting their exchange students from Beaubatons. James and Sirius managed to score dates with seventeen year old twin sisters from Beaubatons who were part-veela and very attractive. They had an edge with those attractive sisters due to their knowledge of French. Severus Snape nearly died of jealousy but James didn't see any reason for him to be jealous as he had the best date at the ball. The night ended with him getting his first kiss from his part-veela date. Like most 14 year old boys who kissed a gorgeous part-veela, James was elated at first, but later found himself disappointed that his first kiss was not with Lily. He also found himself jealous and irritated throughout the ball when he had watch Lily dance with Snape. That was when he could no longer brush off his feelings and knew that he fancied Lily Evans. Sirius laughed at him for days when he confessed his feelings to his three best friends.

Almost two months after Valentine's day, James tried to play it cool and asked Lily out for their last Hogsmeade weekend of the year. Lily rejected him and said she wouldn't go out with an arrogant toerag like him even if he was the last boy on earth. A statement she corrected to second last when her friend reminded her of Sirius' existence. This was not only humiliating as they were in public, but her rejection hurt him more than he cared to admit. James played it off as if her rejection didn't really matter to him, but it killed him on the inside. He only asked her out two more times after that with gaps of a few months between them. In between, she had dated Robbie Anderson and he found himself having an urge to hex Robbie whenever he saw them together. A part of him died when he saw them snogging that he even cried in his sleep. He wasn't usually a crier, but Lily Evans had a way of tearing him up, though he would always ensure to do it in secret. Robbie and he were usually friendly with each other that he managed to control his urges to hex him.

James supposed it wasn't a good idea asking her out while he was attacking her friend. He didn't know why he thought it was a bright idea to ask her out then. She probably had valid reasons for rejecting him, but it didn't take away the pain that he felt. He still didn't understand why she rejected him. Wasn't he cool, popular and funny with great Quidditch skills? Other girls showed interest in him, though he usually didn't pursue them despite being flattered by their interest. Not counting his Valentine's day ball date, he did go out with two girls in his third and fourth year because he wanted to get rid of whatever feelings that he felt about Lily. It didn't help and he stopped trying once he realized he fancied Lily.

"Hey Prongs, what are you thinking?"

James was pulled out of his thought by Sirius.

"Oh, umm … nothing … I was thinking about … well … Evans," he admitted.

Sirius shook his head in exasperation.

"For goodness sake, Prongs. The girl rejected you three times. Will you forget about her and move on to another girl? There are other equally, if not more attractive girls to pursue," Sirius tried to appeal.

"But those other girls are not Lily," said James.

"Fine, but will you forget about her at least for now, and lets have a snowball fight," said Sirius.

"Sorry Padfoot, but I'm not in the mood," said James, scowling in disappointment.

Sirius sighed impatiently.

"Sirius, why don't Wormtail and you go ahead and start the snowball fight with each other. Prongs and I will join you in a while," said Remus.

"Alright, Moony. Talk some sense into him and bright him over to join our snowball fight," said Sirius. "Come on Wormtail," said Sirius as Peter and him walked over to a distance and began throwing snowballs at each other.

Remus was seated in front of James and eyed him intently.

"Prongs, I've never seen you this down before," he said causally.

"Why doesn't she like me, Moony?" asked James, dejectedly.

"She says you're an arrogant toerag, Why don't you just stop being one?" Remus suggested nonchalantly.

"Moony, how am I supposed to stop being a toerag if I don't even know what the hell toerag means?" asked James incredulously.

"Girls," James and Remus sniggered knowingly.

"Sirius said she thinks I'm conceited. Do you think I'm conceited?" asked James.

"Do you want the hard truth?" asked Remus.

"Alright, lay on me, Moony," said James curtly, with a hint of desperation in his tone.

"You're far from a selfish and self-absorbed person, but only those who are close to you see that side of you. You can be a bit full of yourself when you showoff with your Quidditch skills or mess your hair to look cool. You're talented, but self-praise and showing off can be a turn off to people," said Remus. "Please don't get mad me, but I'm just being frank since you asked me why Evans didn't like you," said Remus, quickly.

"Do you think I'm arrogant too?" asked James.

"Well, you hexing people for fun certainly comes off as arrogant and you attacking Severus Snape for no good reason does come off as bullying," said Remus, frankly.

"But Severus Snape is no angel. He constantly tries to get us in trouble. He tried to expose you. He's up to his nose with Dark Arts and he hangs out with wannabe Death Eaters," said James.

"All true, but to be fair, Severus Snape being an aspiring Death Eater doesn't justify attacking him when he's doing nothing at that moment," said Remus, fairly.

"What do you suggest I do for Evans to stop hating me?" asked James.

"You really want the truth?" asked Remus.

"No Remus, I want you to lie because I don't seriously want to get Evans to stop hating me," said James, sarcastically.

Remus grinned.

"Alright. How about for starters, you stop hexing people for fun, relax and play it cool around her instead of showing off with your talent. She already knows you're good at Quidditch. Stop showing off in general and resist hexing Severus Snape without reason. Perhaps, aim to be her friend and get to know her as a friend first and maybe even see other girls in process," Remus suggested.

"See other girls?" James asked as if Remus had just suggested he jump off the Astronomy tower.

"My dad says dating at least a few people in school is good for self-discovery and would help you figure out who and what you really want," said Remus.

"But I have dated other girls and I still want Lily," said James.

"You've only been on three dates with three girls when you were thirteen and fourteen. Dating other girls might help you relax around Evans and like I said, it would be a good idea to be her friend her friend first. You never know what you discover," said Remus.

"When did you get so wise, Moony?" James teased.

"I have my moments," said Remus with pretend pompousness as they both grinned. "So, you'll take my advice?" he asked hopefully.

"I suppose I could try to stop showing off and stop hexing people for fun. Hexing people for fun is getting a little childish isn't it?" asked James.

"It certainly is," said Remus.

"And I suppose I could try to stop flirting with her or trying to get her attention by showing off," said James reasonably. "Thanks Remy," he said gratefully.

"Any time, mate," Remus patted him.

"Ooi, are you both coming or not?" Sirius called from afar.

James and Remus exchanged amused looks.

"We should join them now," said Remus.

"Yeah," said James as they both got up. "By the way, Moony, your dating life is a discussion for another day,"

"I don't have a dating life," said Remus.

"That's what we're discussing. You did after all say dating at school leads to self-discovery," said James.

"But I'm a …" Remus said.

"Moony, don't …"

"Can you two move faster? My grandmother moved faster than that with her walking stick," James was cut off by Sirius calling out.

"Like I said, discussion for another day," James said quickly.

"Yeah," Remus agreed as they both ran towards Sirius and Peter, and were greeted with a gleeful Sirius and Peter throwing snowballs at them.


End file.
